Do you still remember the first time you put your hijab on and left your house to go about your daily life?  I’ve been wearing mine for three years now in May 2008, but remember putting it on and leaving for work like it was yesterday.  I had never been so excited in my life yet was feeling slightly apprehensive too. Back then, I was working in retail on the weekends to support myself whilst studying at university, of all places Romford.  People from East London or who are familiar with Romford probably understand why I say it like that, but will talk about it a little later.

So here I am putting on my hijab, silly enough feeling slightly nostalgic like the way I was excited when I was about 10 years old wearing my new shiny garara (a traditional Pakistani dress) for Eid.  It was only a black pashmina with beaded tassels, but still I’m sure you can see the connection. I’ve pinned it on tight, but not too tight, walked downstairs to say my goodbyes and leave for work.  My household only consists of women; mum and sisters, (my parents divorced a while back).  None of them wore hijab, so I was the first. I asked my sister ’Does it look alright?’ I always used to ask her opinion of any outfit I used to wear because she’s the “fashionista” of the house - always up to date with the latest fashions and trends.  So her opinion counted to me.  Silly when I think about it now, I was a tomboy but I always had taken pride in my hair, it was like a trademark.  It used to define me, but that was all about to change. ’Yeah it suits you’ she smiled.  A certain level of my apprehension disappeared when she said it like that, it was just the reassurance in her voice, and the look on her face which just said ‘’I really respect you for what your doing’’.

As I’ve walked out the door, the sun was shining, and I was on a complete and utter high. I can well and truly say that I have never felt a high like that again since that day. I felt confident, more so then ever, beaming with excitement, and importantly I felt protected. It was like I could feel the sense of approval and acknowledgement from my creator, I knew he, the exalted was watching me and always was. But it’s the sense of obeying your Lord’s commandment, and feeling the sense of acknowledgment of what I was doing, nothing could beat. I knew from that day forward my life was about to change, it found its direction, and that was something I had been looking for, for a very long time.

I was never practising, as my parents never were. They did their part of teaching me Arabic, and how to pray but that was as far as it went. My mum prayed, but was a teacher so didn’t really have the time to practise and my dad was more cultural.  He is a true Pakistani at heart, up to date with Pakistani politics, reading the Pakistani newspaper Daily Jang religiously as many Pakistani men do and go to Jumah for Friday prayers. They were Muslim, but religion wasn’t something that took precedence in our household. Ramadan and Eid that’s it but I always had my religion in my heart, my faith was strong but didn’t understand how to practise as I had no one to show me how or what Islam was fully about. So I grew up with the intention and mentality that I was going to practise when I was older and wear the hijab after I got married. So here I am, taking this huge step with great ease, walking down my street to catch the bus to work, catching it on time, not late for work, so far so good I’m thinking, walk into work, and my colleagues’ faces seeing me with hijab.  Classic. ‘What have you done with your hair?!’ was one response, another was ‘Your hair is so gorgeous, when I think of you, I think of your hair, but you’ve covered it all up!’. That is what I wanted to change. How demeaning is it to be defined by a physical attribute rather than your character? Don’t get me wrong, they were the loveliest bunch of people that I worked with, but I was the only Muslim girl they knew, and they didn’t know the first thing about Islam, let alone dressing modestly, so it wasn‘t their fault. I also was their only point of contact to ask questions about 9/11 and other misconceptions too, 7/7 hadn’t happened as yet.

The day went fine, after all the fuss of seeing me with hijab on.  It went well, the girls didn’t treat me any differently, they still spoke to me like they usually did.  They told me about their weekly updates of man trouble, kids, other-halves and all the rest of it. Until the last hour of work before closing.  Here I am, working hard trying to make our target of store cards for a Saturday (anyone who works or worked in retail knows the pressure!) on the phone phoning through an application for a store card, on hold waiting for a response, and a customer asks me in a really loud and obnoxious manner ‘DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH?’. Now I know this isn’t anything to be proud of but I’ve put on the most authentic Essex accent and replied ‘Are you having a laugh love?’ and her face was better then the faces when walking into work that morning. She went bright red, and had left the shop.  If I wasn’t on the phone I would’ve called after her but was unable to. Lucky for me she did come back the following week and actually approached me directly and apologised which really made my day. The week before I had gone home devastated, that I made her feel like the way I did that she walked out, and also I wasn’t able to clarify that dressing modestly doesn’t mean you are unable to speak English. That was what I had meant about working in Romford when I emphasised it earlier. It is a predominantly white area and is renowned for racism. I felt really lucky to be able to have a chat with the same woman, even if it was a week later. I explained that I am a British born Muslim and was probably more Essex than her, and spoke further about Islam.

That’s when I realised, that it is obvious that education is the way forward to clear up misconceptions, ignorance and fear. Brothers and sisters of Islam are ambassadors of Islam and it is our responsibility to educate and inform the public, even if we are in situations that aren’t particularly ideal or comfortable, but I was able to educate that same lady who was misinformed purely due to my headscarf. The hijab has endless positive elements as you’re not only obeying Allah swt gaining reward you are able to educate people too.

Taking the step of wearing my hijab was the best thing I ever done in my life. It has changed me as a person and has helped me grow into a better woman. Dressing modestly doesn’t hinder you as a person, if anything my confidence grew to new heights. The more you learn about Islam, the more it helps you grow as a person.  If anyone accuses me of being “oppressed” I will be the first person to jump to its defence. A nun dressed modestly is respected for her dedication to practise her religion yet my headscarf apparently restricts me - well it doesn’t. Sisters embrace the beauty of your hijab, respect your hijab, and fight for your right to wear your hijab. Love your hijab the way I love my hijab.