Mosque Imams, already facing a large amount of pressure from Muslims for being unable to speak English,  are now coming under fire from Mosque committee chairs  over what they call their "ineffectual and incompetent" use and style of dua (prayer asking for help from Allah).

"Every time the Mosque Imams are criticised, they insist that the Ummah is in their prayers" said the Mustafa Al-Faloodi, Chairman of the Manchester Jamme Mosque Committe. "That may be, but it's becoming more and more clear that these prayers are either too infrequent, too brief, or not strongly worded enough to be effective."

Al-Faloodi added: "The Ummah deserves more than a few Imams who just pay lip service to prayer. It deserves leaders who demand that their prayers get real-world results."

Despite assurances from the certain Imams that they "pray every second of every minute" for the Ummah's interests both in this life and after, the mounting crises in the Middle East— the terror threats in the UK, the lack of female representation in Mosque committees, voting for Brathery (tribal interests) scandal, and the low level of Chanda (Alms) the Mosques are receiving—have left many unimpressed with the effectiveness of their devotion.

Abu Cham Cham, a London Committe member who wished to stay anonymous and has given his son's name in stead (Father of Chum Chum) , says he actually paid for the immigration application for their Imam to come from Pakistan, says that he is now having doubts about his commitment to prayer, particularly with regard to his grocery store.

"This Molvi (Imam)...er...says he pray for me so more Goras come to my shop. But now with terrorist making bad time for me, no Goras coming, and I no send money to..er....family in my village. So Imam says he prays everyday, where are the Goras everyday, Molve Saab?" she said.

The Muslim Conglomerate of Britain (MCB), which has denied any wrongpraying on behalf of its Mosques, released prayer transcripts of inner dialogues with God for some Imams and tried to paint the Imam's as "very close" to the Almighty, saying they speak with Him "regularly."

"The Imams spend many hours each day and night alone in quiet contemplation," MCB press secretary Mufti Salugnwalla said. "These allegations are, quite simply, absurd. The Imams we have today are amongst the strongest prayers the Ummah has seen in the last 300 to 400 years."

In an interview to the The Scum,  General Secretary of the MCB, Muhamad Jalabie defended Imams, saying that Imams today puts as much energy into prayer as they do into eating their meals.

"Half the time, These Imams forgo their daily meals because they are simply too busy praying for peace and justice for the entire Muslim Ummah, the same people who are now so quick to criticize him," Jalabie said. "If somethings wrong with those prayers, I would suggest that it's perhaps a the fault of a supernatural entity. But it's not these highly trained Imams. They are doing their duty."

The harshest criticisms continue to come from the Muslim Practical Affairs Committe (MPAC), who insist that prayers must me made in Arabic and any deviation from the exact pronunciation of an Arabic word renders the entire prayer useless.

"There is a real possibility that the Imams have been using a toothbrush of incorrect length ever day and not in accordance with the strict guidelines of scripture," said Halima Halmi, senior fellow at the Institute for Prophetic Attributes (IPpbuhA), a leading conservative prayer tank. "Are they holding their hands at a correct distance from their faces? Are they saying the 'ya' in 'ya Allah' for the correct amount of time? What about closing their eyes when they pray?"

[SATIRE WARNING] 

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